My husband and I have a terrific marriage. We are best friends, advocates, partners, etc. We are always considerate of eachother, and are always supportive. We also have a very active bed room!!
However, we disagree on almost everything related to raising our kids.
We definitely agree on things like manners, education, and religion... but everything else is pretty much a cut right down the middle.
He can't stand co-sleeping, It doesn't bother me at all. (especially when they are sick)
He thinks I baby our 2 year old too much--- I say "your damn right, that's my baby"
He says that I should let our 10 month old 'cry it out' more --- I said, "why watch them get so upset just because they want you??
He thinks I spend to much on clothes, toys, etc. --- OH Well!!!
He thinks that I don't disipline at all-- that's not true, I just do it differently.
I think that he favors his other children from a previous marriage-- he disagree's (that's always a big argument)
He said that it's my fault that the kids come into our bed in the middle of the night--- I asked him why it was my fault--- he said "because you just scoot over" Ha!
Major issues with what the kids do- sports, dance, etc.
He isn't that empathetic towards the kids-- he says that I am too empathetic.
I just ignore my two year old when she is throwing a fit, or try to re-direct her thinking to something else--- He just say's 'that's enough' 'there is no reason to cry' ---- Well, Mr. Smarty Pants, how do you think she feels when I wouldn't give her another donut? She thought that was a great reason to cry!
Almost weekly we are challenging one anothers parenting styles.
We never argue in front of the kids, and we try to respect one anothers opinions..
BUT--- That still doesn't give us a resolution.. I mean, do we do it his way? or mine?
Do I do aganist my insticts? I think not!!!!
Like the whole co-sleeping thing-- I don't encourage it, but it also doesn't bother me. The kids fall asleep in their own bed, that's good enough for me.
Plus I usually always have the 2 year old and 10 month old in the bed with me if they are sick- to monitor fevers, breathing, etc. Plus, sometimes you just don't want to be alone..
These are just little babies- They want to be with their parents, they don't want to always be alone- and I totally agree with that. Plus, in 5 or 6 years they won't even want to sleep with us, and then before you know it, they are off to college. So-- I enjoy it while it is here!!!
I don't know what I am supposed to do about other things though... And some of them are really starting to weigh on our relationship. Our foundation is rock solid, but feels a little cracked right now. I will not go against my mother insticts, but I know that I 'should' try to come to a mutual agreement.. right?
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
My husband and I aren't seeing eye to eye about our "child raising" skills. I am a little more tolorant of our two year old crying when we don't meet her needs, or give her what she wants. I just ignore it, change her thought process. He gets down right aggervated with it. What can you do?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
When I was a little girl...
When I was a little girl and thought about my "grown up life" it was different than my reality now. I would have a big fancy house, nice cars, tons and tons of puppies (because I always asked for one for christmas and never got it) I would have kids, boys or girls.. I didn't care. I really "cute" husband who worships the ground I walk on, and did everything for me.
Ha- What I have is... a small home, but nicer than some. A car that I am proud of. No doggies, three little girls and a husband. Notice how I just said "a husband" yea.
Isn't it funny how when we were younger we imagined life so easily. I never understood why my parents didn't want to play all the time, go swimming everyday, or have a lot of dogs. Whenever I was mad at my mom for saying no to me I remember thinking-- When I have a little girl I will let her do whatever she wants... I DON'T think that anymore!!!
I don't particularly miss being a kid, especially middle and high school, those were really tough for me. But I do miss the immaturity of it all. I didn't worry about the bills, money, houses, kids, etc. I was just worried about me.
Looking back on it now there are a million things that I would have done differently. Then however, I wouldn't be able to teach my daughters through my mistakes.
Ha- What I have is... a small home, but nicer than some. A car that I am proud of. No doggies, three little girls and a husband. Notice how I just said "a husband" yea.
Isn't it funny how when we were younger we imagined life so easily. I never understood why my parents didn't want to play all the time, go swimming everyday, or have a lot of dogs. Whenever I was mad at my mom for saying no to me I remember thinking-- When I have a little girl I will let her do whatever she wants... I DON'T think that anymore!!!
I don't particularly miss being a kid, especially middle and high school, those were really tough for me. But I do miss the immaturity of it all. I didn't worry about the bills, money, houses, kids, etc. I was just worried about me.
Looking back on it now there are a million things that I would have done differently. Then however, I wouldn't be able to teach my daughters through my mistakes.
Kids are sick....running away
I love my babies..but when two or more of them are sick it really weighs on me. Especially the two babies, Ava 2- Raegen 10 months. Neither one of them understand why they are sick, and although I can sympathize with them, it's hard when they are both little.
Raegen is running 104.1 while laying in my arms right now, Ava is watching a movie right beside us.
My husband...... oh, my husband. I love him too... but have NO patience for his behavior. He is such a sucky helper. There aren't too many things that he does on his own, but, when he does he lets everyone know.
Raegen is running 104.1 while laying in my arms right now, Ava is watching a movie right beside us.
My husband...... oh, my husband. I love him too... but have NO patience for his behavior. He is such a sucky helper. There aren't too many things that he does on his own, but, when he does he lets everyone know.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Information on OCD
OCD is a type of anxiety disorder. Kids with OCD become preoccupied with whether something could be harmful, dangerous, wrong, or dirty. Kids with OCD may also worry about things being out of "order" or not "just right." They may worry about losing "useless" items, sometimes feeling the need to collect these items.
Someone with OCD feels strong urges to do certain things repeatedly — called rituals or compulsions. Children may have a difficult time explaining a reason for their rituals and say they do them "just because" or "I have to".
Doctors and scientist aren't exactly sure what causes OCD, although recent research shows that normal levels of serotonin is blocked, this is also referred to as the brains "wake up, alarm system". Evidence and research is now also showing that OCD may tend to run in the family. Genetics may play a role, and without severe OCD, you may not even know that you have it.
There are other anxiety disorders that are also do to a lack of serotonin. A parent, or grandparent could have something like this, and then a descendant is predisposed for an anxiety disorder too.
It is estimated that 1% of children in the United States experience OCD, which is characterized by a pattern of rituals and obsessive thinking that generally lasts more than an hour each day, causes a child distress, or interferes with daily activities.OCD can make daily life difficult for the kids that it affects and for their families. The behaviors often take up a great deal of time and energy, making it more difficult to complete tasks, such as homework or chores, or to enjoy life.
Some normal feelings of OCD may include:
fear or anxiety of something bad happening
fear of dirt, or dirty things
need for rituals, and normality
religious obsessions
preoccupation with household items
Some normal actions of OCD may include:
constant cleaning
constant hygiene or washing hands
counting rituals
touching rituals
words or number repetition
ordering objects by color, size, or type
checking their actions over and over
Recognizing OCD is often difficult because kids can become adept at hiding the behaviors. Most parents may see it as a phase, or change in their child's behavior and/or personality. Environmental and stress factors can trigger the onset of OCD. Changes such as school, moving, divorce, death in family, and other family or personal changes.
If you are a parent who notices your child washing their hands constantly, with the uncontrollable urge to keep things clean, rituals that can not be changed, talk with your pediatrician about the possibility of OCD. Remember that these compulsions, or episodes are uncontrollable, not at the fault of your child. Trying hard to fight these urges can actually damage them, emotionally and physically. If you seek treatment for your child with OCD it may involve therapy, and or medications. Therapy would include analysing their fear and obsessions and trying to prevent or change them.Once a child is in treatment, it's important for parents to participate, to learn more about OCD, and to modify expectations and be supportive.Keep in mind that it's the OCD that is causing the problem, not the child. The more that personal criticism can be avoided, the better.
Kids with OCD get better at different rates, so try to avoid any day-to-day comparisons and recognize and praise any small improvements. Trying to keep things in the right place, or keeping household rituals the same can also help your child deal with day to day compulsions. If there isn't a need to adjust things, such as reorganizing, or putting things in their place, it may be easier for the child.
When your child is diagnosed with OCD it can be devastating and confusing to the parent. This is not the end of the world. It is just a disorder, or illness that can be manageable. Your child needs to know that its not their fault that they have those feelings or thoughts. There is help out there, either by support groups, personal stories, and professionals.
Someone with OCD feels strong urges to do certain things repeatedly — called rituals or compulsions. Children may have a difficult time explaining a reason for their rituals and say they do them "just because" or "I have to".
Doctors and scientist aren't exactly sure what causes OCD, although recent research shows that normal levels of serotonin is blocked, this is also referred to as the brains "wake up, alarm system". Evidence and research is now also showing that OCD may tend to run in the family. Genetics may play a role, and without severe OCD, you may not even know that you have it.
There are other anxiety disorders that are also do to a lack of serotonin. A parent, or grandparent could have something like this, and then a descendant is predisposed for an anxiety disorder too.
It is estimated that 1% of children in the United States experience OCD, which is characterized by a pattern of rituals and obsessive thinking that generally lasts more than an hour each day, causes a child distress, or interferes with daily activities.OCD can make daily life difficult for the kids that it affects and for their families. The behaviors often take up a great deal of time and energy, making it more difficult to complete tasks, such as homework or chores, or to enjoy life.
Some normal feelings of OCD may include:
fear or anxiety of something bad happening
fear of dirt, or dirty things
need for rituals, and normality
religious obsessions
preoccupation with household items
Some normal actions of OCD may include:
constant cleaning
constant hygiene or washing hands
counting rituals
touching rituals
words or number repetition
ordering objects by color, size, or type
checking their actions over and over
Recognizing OCD is often difficult because kids can become adept at hiding the behaviors. Most parents may see it as a phase, or change in their child's behavior and/or personality. Environmental and stress factors can trigger the onset of OCD. Changes such as school, moving, divorce, death in family, and other family or personal changes.
If you are a parent who notices your child washing their hands constantly, with the uncontrollable urge to keep things clean, rituals that can not be changed, talk with your pediatrician about the possibility of OCD. Remember that these compulsions, or episodes are uncontrollable, not at the fault of your child. Trying hard to fight these urges can actually damage them, emotionally and physically. If you seek treatment for your child with OCD it may involve therapy, and or medications. Therapy would include analysing their fear and obsessions and trying to prevent or change them.Once a child is in treatment, it's important for parents to participate, to learn more about OCD, and to modify expectations and be supportive.Keep in mind that it's the OCD that is causing the problem, not the child. The more that personal criticism can be avoided, the better.
Kids with OCD get better at different rates, so try to avoid any day-to-day comparisons and recognize and praise any small improvements. Trying to keep things in the right place, or keeping household rituals the same can also help your child deal with day to day compulsions. If there isn't a need to adjust things, such as reorganizing, or putting things in their place, it may be easier for the child.
When your child is diagnosed with OCD it can be devastating and confusing to the parent. This is not the end of the world. It is just a disorder, or illness that can be manageable. Your child needs to know that its not their fault that they have those feelings or thoughts. There is help out there, either by support groups, personal stories, and professionals.
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